Australian Charity Helps Children Cope with Parental Loss

Angela Carpenter describes Annie, her partner of almost 18 years and mother to their two children, as an "eternal optimist".

It was an attitude Annie brought to any hardship, including when she was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer a few years ago.

"It never entered her mind that she wasn't going to beat it," Angela said.

But, just over a year ago — three days shy of their 18th anniversary — Annie died.

It was a loss that Angela and their sons, Huon, 8, and Henry, 11, live with every day.

"There's a defining point in time," Angela said.

Across Australia, about one in 20 people lose a parent before the age of 18.

While a range of supports for families exist during the time a relative is sick, finding ongoing support after can be much harder.

For Angela, as a working single mother, it added a layer of complexity to navigating her own grief.

An Australian charity, Feel the Magic, is trying to turn that experience around by providing free early intervention programs for people under 18 who have experienced significant loss, including of a parent, guardian or sibling.

At the events, young people learn practical skills for regulating emotions, as well as healthy coping mechanisms, and a shared language for talking about grief, mixed in with games and crafts.

There are also sessions for parents.

Opportunity to just be kids

Feel the Magic offers virtual programs to families across the country.

Its face-to-face programs operate in most states, with plans to roll out in South Australia later this year, and a longer-term goal to service the Northern Territory.

It also expanded its in-person programs into Hobart last year, with an event planned for Launceston in November.

The charity's chief executive Gavin Fingleson said the aim was to equip young people with the tools to talk about their grief, while connecting them with others who could relate to their experiences.

Participants are invited to attend every year until they turn 18. Many then go on to become mentors.

Mr Fingleson said many children who had lost a parent or sibling felt isolated by their grief, and many experienced bullying at school.

Without intervention, those experiences could lead to destructive behaviours, including drug and alcohol abuse.

At Feel the Magic's events, Mr Fingleson said the focus was on overcoming that isolation.

"Kids can just be themselves, they're allowed to laugh," he said.

"They have somebody else who, when they wake, doesn't have a dad either -- but they can talk about that.

Tools to 'grow around' grief

Children's psychologist Angela Green, who works with the charity, said the service filled a gap in Tasmania that she'd noticed while working in school settings.

"Usually ... I'd just have one person in front of me, and often they'd feel like the 'odd kid' with the dead dad, or the dead sibling," Ms Green said.

"When you go through grief, it's not just feeling sadness. It's a complete re-wiring of your entire brain.

"For that little person, it's going 'this is big'.

Ms Green said the way the workshops encouraged fun and laughter was also significant.

The messaging is something Huon and Henry, who attended this year's event in Hobart, took away with them.

"It made me feel less like I'm the only one going through this," Huon said.

For Angela, it has also created pathways for her to meet a community of people who have lost a partner at a similar stage in life.

"I think that's the single biggest factor in the fact that we're all still standing and we're in one piece."

Steps to open communication

Ms Green said each family's experience of grief was different.

But, there were steps parents could take to encourage open communication.

Ms Green said parents or supporting adults often had a "big fear" of talking about grief, while kids could also try to hide their feelings out of concern their parents were 'going through enough'.

"We think if we bring up the dead person, if we bring up the sadness [we're] going to make it worse," she said.

Instead, she said, starting the conversation could pave the way for an open check-in, especially if the child was showing signs of struggling with the situation.

Another important step, Ms Green said, was letting go of the fear of saying the wrong thing.

"It's not the words," she said.