Pass Notes: A Look Back at 5,000 Examples and the Column's Evolution

Beginning is often the hardest part: the rigid and long-established format of Pass Notes requires the writer to begin with Age. If the day’s subject is Nigella Lawson or Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, a number is readily available. If it’s Jar Jar Binks, the answer may be obscure but still obtainable (born in 52 BBY – before the Battle of Yavin). But what if the subject is bees, or office temperatures, or “peak curtains”, or God? Some days you get stuck on the first line.

If the subject was Pass Notes itself, you’d have the same problem: it originated in the short-lived Sunday Correspondent, which ceased operations in 1990. The orphaned idea was then adopted by the Guardian’s newly launched G2 print section in 1992, scrapped after a redesign in 2005, and resurrected in 2009. But if we can’t put down anything for age, we can still supply a number: 5,000 examples, and counting.

From the outset, Pass Notes was a crib sheet for the modern world – as much as you needed to know about a given topic, and no more – but it took a while for the format to evolve into its current structure, with two disembodied voices: the one that asks all the questions, and the one that answers them. For the writer it presents a unique opportunity to unleash one’s inner pedant and outer idiot.

By definition the column is extremely topical, and therefore often of fleeting relevance. Historical examples offer a peek into the forgotten obsessions of the day, things we knew in our hearts would never last: wifi-enabled juicers, six-seven, Grumpy Cat, bedtime stacking. It’s possible that Pass Notes could end up being the only evidence some of these trends ever existed.

At its best Pass Notes is perfectly of the moment, arriving just in time to answer the question everyone is asking – what the hell is this? – while being informative, funny and brief. For the writer, however, the distillation process has side effects: one ends up retaining more information about a given subject (coffee pods, transcranial direct current stimulation, rawdogging) than one can ever use. If you’re at a dinner party and the conversation turns to the Calibri typeface, you do not want to be sitting next to me.

Endings can be just as tricky as beginnings. Traditionally, every Pass Notes finishes with Do Say followed by Don’t Say: an advisable thing to utter on the given subject, and an inadvisable one. The advisable one is easy, but my Don’t Says are often flagged for being vulgar, or offensive, or potentially actionable. My standard defence – “that’s why you’re not supposed to say it!” – cuts no ice. The one that gets printed is almost never my first choice.

Tim Dowling’s 10 most memorable Pass Notes

1. ‘Six-seven’: what does the latest slang mean (and should parents be worried)?

This explainer on the curious six-seven phenomenon became the most-read Pass Notes of all time, which suggests everybody was worried about it on the exact same day, even though the craze was technically already over by the time I wrote about it in October 2025.

Name: Six-seven.

Age: Less than a year old.

Appearance: Everywhere.

What does six-seven signify? You know, just six-seven. Six-sevvuhnn!

Is it a code? No, it’s six-seven!

Is it a cool way to say someone is at sixes and sevens, ie in a state of disorder or confusion? It is definitely not that.

Then what does it mean? It’s just something the young people of today are saying. Or shouting.

You mean it’s fashionable to yell out two consecutive numbers? It’s more than fashionable – it’s a plague. Six-seven has become the bane of school teachers everywhere.

Why? Because it’s maddening. Imagine telling your students to turn to page 67, only for all of them to shout “six-seven!” at you.

No, I mean why are the children doing that? Even they don’t know why.

It must come from somewhere. Yes, but I should preface any explanation by saying: it’s a long story and it doesn’t matter.

I’ll be the judge of that. Fine. The phrase “six-seven”, in its modern sense, appears to originate with the Philadelphia rapper Skrilla’s 2024 track Doot Doot (6 7), in which it’s either a reference to police radio code, or 67th Street, or something else.

I see. But it really went viral when the song was repeatedly used to soundtrack video clips of the NBA basketball star LaMelo Ball, who is, as it happens, 6ft 7in.

OK, I think I get it. Trust me, you don’t. Somewhere along the line the phrase acquired an accompanying hand gesture: two upturned palms alternately rising and falling, like weighing scales.

In that case, perhaps it’s a reference to something being nothing special, ie a six or a seven on a scale from one to 10? Nice try, but no. The phrase has become such a phenomenon in the US that it was the basis for last week’s South Park episode, in which it sparks a moral panic.

And it’s now reached the classrooms of the UK? Apparently it has. Thus ends the story of six-seven.

You were right. That was long, and it didn’t matter. Not in the least. It’s a bit of meme slang that refers only to itself, advertising nothing beyond the average 13-year-old’s capacity for being annoying and a corresponding willingness to flog a dead horse.

What can be done about it? Some teachers have banned it, but others have incorporated six-seven into their teaching.

I suppose it will be over soon enough. Adults are talking about it, so it already is.

Do say: “Open your textbooks to page 55, and then turn over 12 more pages.”

Don’t say: “Skibidi!”

2. Donald Trump’s bid to be president: as ridiculous as his hair

Pass Notes was certainly not alone in failing to take Donald Trump seriously in 2015, but it serves as a reminder of a time when merely describing Donald Trump accurately was sufficient ridicule.

Name: Donald Trump.

Age: Man – 69. Hair – tests inconclusive on material unknown to science.

Appearance: 69-year-old man wearing dead alien animal on his head.

Has he died? Only from the hairline up. The rest of him is too rich to die.

What has he done then? Announced that he is running for US president.

Doesn’t he do this every year? Regardless of whether or not there’s a presidential race? Yes, but this time it’s official. On a stage in the basement of Trump Tower in Manhattan, surrounded by eight American flags, to the soundtrack of Neil Young’s Rockin’ in the Free World, Donald Trump told the world that he is running for president. And Young told the world that Trump did not have permission to use his music.

OK, so what’s Trump promising? To get rid of Obamacare.

That’s a given. What else? To take back America, which Obama has reduced to the level of a third-world country and handed over to the Chinese, whose leaders hopelessly outclass Uncle Sam’s. It’s like “the New England Patriots and Tom Brady [versus] a high-school team,” says Donald.

Ah, Trump truth. Splendid. And he’s going to stop Mexico “sending us all the wrong people”.

Let me guess. Does it involve a wall? Yes! Are you psychic? It involves “a great, great wall on our southern border, and I will make Mexico pay for that wall”.

Anything else? He’s going to cut spending on education, massively. “People are tired of spending more money on education per capita than any other country.”

Yes, that is a national disgrace. And he’s going to be “the greatest jobs president that God ever made” and reduce the real goddamn unemployment rate from 20%.

I thought the US unemployment rate was 5.4%? That’s just the official government figure. Trump believes it to be 18-20%, so that is what he is going to reduce it from.

I see. Anything else before I go and drive myself off a cliff? He has disclosed, in accordance with legislation, that he is worth $8.73bn and will be using his own money to try to buy the presidency.

You mean, run his campaign? Tomato, tomahto.

Do say: “Stephen Colbert – your country needs you.”

Don’t say: “No it doesn’t – satire is dead.”

3. Prince Andrew

In 2003, Pass Notes exposed Prince Andrew as an absolute bounder – for taking a royal jet to a golf tournament. What an innocent age it was.

Name: Prince Andrew.

Age: 43.

Appearance: Second-hand car dealer (BMWs).

Interests: Golf, parties, nubile women, golf, travel, dirty jokes, models, golf.

That’s a lot of golf. When you are as busy as Prince Andrew, golf is a great way of relieving stress.

Prince Andrew, busy??? You forget that he is special representative for British trade and investment.

What’s his handicap? Royal genes.

No, his golf handicap. Seven.

That’s very good. He must get a lot of birdies. Let’s keep his private life out of this.

And albatrosses. Please don’t mention Sarah Ferguson.

Where does he play? The Royal and Ancient Golf Club at St Andrews. He will be captain of the club next year.

Oh, yes, I saw that he had a game there earlier this week. He did indeed: a very pleasant excursion.

Didn’t he take the 25-seater royal jet and make it wait at RAF Leuchars for 11 hours while he enjoyed a round followed by a black-tie dinner? Yes, it was the R&A’s spring meeting and, as prospective captain, he had to be there.

How much did the round cost? Nothing. As captain-to-be, the club pays his green fees.

No, how much did it cost taxpayers? Some estimate as much as £10,000.

That’s more than £500 a hole. It’s a lovely course.

Why didn’t he take a commercial flight? He’d have missed the dinner. Eighteen holes give you a huge appetite.

Not to be confused with: Prince Edward, Prince Michael of Kent, Severiano Ballesteros.

Most likely to say: “Balls.”

Least likely to say: “Let me pay.”

Significant fact that was hard to work into the mock-conversation that is Pass Notes: The Royal and Ancient does not admit female members, no matter how royal or ancient. This is also a disgrace.

4. Fendi’s £750 ‘vulva’ scarf makes wearers look as if they’re being born

You might well have forgotten that in 2018 Fendi unveiled a vulva-shaped shawl that “makes you look like you’re being born”, but it was a big deal at the time.

Name: The Touch of Fur shawl by Fendi.

Age: New in this season’s womenswear collection.

Price: £750.

Appearance: Well … um … That’s the thing.

What’s the thing? The appearance.

What about it? It’s peachy pink, made from silk and wool, trimmed with (ugh) real fox fur … and …

Yes? It looks like a giant vulva.

The external female genital organ? Yup.

I see. And what’s wrong with that? Half the world has a vulva, you know. I do know, yes.

For too long, while penises were faintly comical, the subject of only mild swearwords, the vagina has remained somehow shocking, shameful, unmentionable … I agree.

We should be proud of our bodies. I’m sick and tired of wearing clothes that don’t look like vulvas! OK. Although I do wonder if there might be a middle ground between being ashamed of your vulva and wearing a giant replica of it around your neck.

Why compromise? Because it costs £750, for one thing.

I expect some cheap high-street copies will be along soon. I’m not sure they will. It makes you look like you’re being born.

That’s perfectly natural, too. Indeed, but perhaps not very elegant. It seems that the shawl was first shared on Twitter on Friday evening. Judging from the reaction, most people were too busy laughing to rush out and buy one.

They all laughed at Einstein, remember. I think they were mostly quite impressed with Einstein.

Can you choose different colours to match your skin tone, like you can with emoji? Not really. Besides pink, there is just bright blue and bright red.

That’s a wasted opportunity. You’re missing the point. Fendi is a classy Italian fashion house led by Karl Lagerfeld. I don’t think it meant this shawl to look like a vulva at all.

Oh. I thought it was a fashion thing. You know, drape yourself in a vulva, prance about looking cross. Actually, it looks more like a mistake thing. If you go on Fendi’s website, the page with the pink Touch of Fur shawl appears to have been removed, while the blue and red ones still remain.

I suppose a blue or a red one would do, in an emergency. Or there’s a pink one without the fur?

I refuse to submit my shawl to that kind of treatment! Suit yourself.

Do say: “Half my clutch bags already look like vulvas, to be fair.”

Don’t say: “Listen, I’ve got a great idea for a furry pink tie …”

5. Ham, mozzarella and … orange?! Australia invents a new topping to enrage the pizza purists

Over the decades Pass Notes has logged plenty of evidence suggesting the End Times are upon us, including last year’s news that someone somewhere (Australia) was putting oranges on pizza.

Name: Orange pizza.

Age: First mentions come in 314BC and AD997 respectively. The combination, however, is a product of our own dark age.

Appearance: There’s no getting round this – it’s an orange pizza.

All pizzas are sort of orange, aren’t they? By which I mean, a pizza with oranges on it.

What? Who on God’s green Earth would do such a thing? Australians.

Ah, I see. Specifically Bubba Pizza, a chain restaurant with 15 outlets in Victoria.

And it is purposely putting oranges on pizza? It is putting smoked ham, fresh orange chunks and mozzarella on pizza. And it’s not just doing it, it’s selling it.

Let me guess: sparking online outrage? Correct. The pizzas have been around for a few months, but now it has blown up, with one commenter on Reddit posting: “Some people just want to watch the world burn.”

Why has Bubba Pizza done this? The chain’s managing director described it as “a way to bring people together over something unexpected”.

I imagine it will upset the pizza purists. Pineapple on pizza upsets purists; oranges on pizza upsets people who like pineapple on pizza.

Is Bubba Pizza worried about what the Italians will think? Evidently not: when it launched the ham and orange pizza, it offered free samples to anyone who produced an Italian passport.

Yet another sign that the old international order is crumbling. You may be right. An earlier incidence of this abomination occurred in 2023, when a pizza topped with chicken, jalapeños and oranges was created in Hungary for the country’s prime minister, Viktor Orbán.

Like I needed another reason to dislike that guy. Is this the worst thing that’s ever happened to a pizza? No. It’s possibly not even the worst thing to happen to a pizza in Australia, where you can order a full breakfast pizza in Melbourne, a chicken tikka masala pizza in Sydney or a pumpkin and hummus pizza in Brisbane.

But outside Australia and Hungary, everything is still OK, right? Nothing is still OK and it hasn’t been for a long time. In Sweden, they put bananas on pizza.

Really? I watch lots of Scandi dramas and this never comes up. They know the idea would be impossible to export. In China, pizza topped with the notoriously smelly durian fruit is the most popular order at Pizza Hut, accounting for one in every four pizzas sold by the chain.

Ham and orange pizza is starting to seem a bit tame by comparison. This is how they suck you in.

In fact, I’m