Trump at FIFA World Cup

Spain won the World Cup but Donald Trump nearly stole the moment of glory. For a few awkward seconds after Spain defeated Argentina to capture football's biggest prize, the victorious Spaniards found themselves sharing the podium with an American president who remained planted centre stage like an enthusiastic wedding guest who has wandered into the family photograph and refuses to take the hint. The cue to leave eventually came from FIFA president Gianni Infantino, who, with the delicate touch of a maître d' telling a late diner it’s closing time, gently shepherded Trump away from the celebrating players. Trump's exit, as natural for him as conceding an election, was an appropriately surreal finale to a tournament over which the US President hovered like an VAR review. Earlier, as he strode onto the field for the trophy presentation, many of the 80,000-plus spectators greeted him with lusty boos, though supporters generated enough cheers to produce something closer to surround sound than consensus.

There was delicious irony in the final result too. The man who has spent weeks describing Spain as "hopeless" suddenly found himself handing the World Cup to... Spain. Only days after verbally slide-tackling Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez over Nato spending, Trump had to congratulate the Spanish leader after La Roja's triumph, perhaps the fastest recorded transition from geopolitical sniping to sportsmanship since Henry Kissinger discovered table tennis ahead of a China outreach. Of course, had Argentina won, the political script would have read differently. Argentine President Javier Milei, Trump's ideological soulmate and favourite chainsaw-wielding libertarian, skipped the final because of a superstition that watching from anywhere other than home would jinx the Albiceleste. Even Lionel Messi couldn't dribble past that curse. Instead, socialist Spain prevailed over libertarian Argentina, giving the global left bragging rights in football after the global right enjoyed the spectacle of a Trump-hosted cage fight that passes off as sport.

The VIP suite itself resembled a G-7 summit with better snacks. Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum sat alongside Trump despite relations remaining frosty after months of tariff threats and border disputes. Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney was there too, though Trump reportedly found time between crosses and corners to suggest Canada might compensate America for wildfire smoke -- or perhaps pay in tariffs. Because nothing says "the beautiful game" quite like discussing ugly trade disputes during injury time. Also in attendance was NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani -- probably relishing Socialist Spain’s victory. It was the second Trump-Mamdani cameo in a sporting arena sans meeting after Game 3 of the NBA finals.

Throughout the tournament Trump's administration was as omnipresent as stadium hot dogs. Cabinet secretaries seemed to rotate through matches with the frequency of midfield substitutions, while Trump's personal appeal to Infantino after US striker Folarin Balogun's red card led FIFA to review – and ultimately soften – the suspension. Trump insisted he merely requested another look; critics saw a presidential phone-a-friend. The tournament itself occasionally resembled a dress rehearsal for the Olympics directed by three different producers. There were transportation hiccups, security bottlenecks, high ticket prices, and persistent complaints from Iran over visa problems and what it viewed as distinctly unfriendly treatment. The World Cup may have promised open play, but for some visitors America's immigration system preferred a defensive wall.

Yet the apocalyptic forecast by pessimists never arrived. Instead, Boston ran out of beers after the Scots tanked up with the desperation of vehicle owners anticipating a hike in petrol prices, Kansas City's hotels became temporary Dutch colonies, and Germans chowed down the last Philly cheese steaks. Restaurant owners, hoteliers and shopkeepers discovered that football fans spend money with almost as much enthusiasm as they spend ninety minutes explaining the offside rule. For once, economists admited that the ball really did bounce in everyone's favour despite the Trump threat to bounce out dodgy visitors. The US President now says he wants the World Cup to return to the United States immediately -- and ideally remain there forever. "You hear that, Gianni?" he joked. It's an appealing fantasy, though about as likely as New Jersey hosting Oscars. The World Cup rotates continents precisely because the rest of the planet also likes throwing enormous parties every four years. See y'all in Spain, Portugal, and Morocco in 2030!