England's World Cup Hopes Rise as Bellingham Stars, But Tuchel-Bellingham Tensions Surface

AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR

Breakfast in America was a happy place for an Englishman this Sunday morning. Thanks to Jude Bellingham, (very probably) a hanging cable and a remarkable cameo from Djed Spence that brought back the ghost of Nobby Stiles, Norway were squeezed past in Miami. Lord Nelson, Lord Beaverbrook, Winston Churchill, Anthony Eden, Clement Attlee, Henry Cooper, Lady Diana and Maggie Thatcher could rest easy.

Erling Haaland’s afternoon of frustration ended in tears. Alf-Inge, Big Erling’s dad, took to social media disgrace to make one-man team jibes, and became the latest participant in the conspiracy theorising that pockmarks the Geopolitics World Cup, the fruit of Fifa’s wanton tinkering with disciplinary matters.

Did Haaland Jr shove over Elliot Anderson for a disallowed Norway goal? Yes, he did. Did the ball come off a hanging cable and thus fall into the path of Anderson who then began the move for Bellingham’s first goal? Probably yes. “No evidence that the ball touched the overhead wire,” droned a Fifa statement, though who needs evidence at the GWC where alternative facts rule OK? “I don’t think we will play the game again, so that’s how it is,” groaned Ståle Solbakken, the Norway coach, an oasis of common sense. If Norwegians feel hard done by, they can celebrate a summer where their team has reached parts unknown and made many more friends.

For the English, the countdown to Argentina in Atlanta begins, though under gathering clouds. In post-match, Thomas Tuchel and Bellingham’s relationship, rarely cosy, took on the hue of fire and ice. “I’m not happy with the performance,” roared TT, not unreasonably. “We made life very, very difficult for ourselves in the way we played.”

Such comments were addressed to Bellingham, and he swatted them away with an irritated vehemence, a dismissive venom. Creative tension is part of football, and just about any profession, but both Tuchel’s and Bellingham’s lack of filter opened up a new theatre of conflict, penning headline gold as they rattled on. “Maybe he doesn’t know what it’s like to play in those kind of conditions,” zinged Jude. Was this a dig at Tuchel’s lack of a playing career? If so, oof. In mitigation, Bellingham was unaware of the praise lavished on him by Tuchel in the same flash interview with ITV man Gabriel Clarke. It’s probably best not to read too much into comments made by two hotheads following two hours in high humidity amid the highest of stakes. Problem is, it’s highly tempting to do just that.

Was this Roy Keane and Mick McCarthy? It’s hopefully far too late in the GWC for a Saipan scenario. Could Steve Coogan play Tuchel in the movie? Or was this just two ultra-driven individuals who, despite whatever differences they have, demand only the best? Without the other to feed off, they might have been spending Sunday ignoring each other in Wimbledon’s royal box. Both are in the game to win. Together, they represent England’s best chance of ultimate glory.

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QUOTE OF THE DAY

“I feel for Embolo’s teammates, I don’t feel for him” – Bradley Wright-Phillips, on ITV punditry duties for Argentina’s 3-1 extra-time defeat of Switzerland, after Swiss striker Breel Embolo was handed a second yellow card – eventually, after a case of mistaken identity – for diving. Switzerland’s view … was somewhat different. “It’s completely not understandable,” lamented head coach Murat Yakin. “I know that they will protect their referee but this rule destroyed the game today … This is a rule that in my opinion has nothing to do with football. The fact they introduced such a rule is just unnecessary. It is just extremely hurtful.”

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double quotation markAfter almost a month reading the Football Daily, I come to report the faux Private Eye approach isn’t working. Not enough funny, not funny enough. Repetition gets boring (GWC), particularly when there’s not much coverage of the global conflict angle and given it’s hard to name a WC when there wasn’t G. Substituting for ‘said’ other attribution verbs was hilarious about twice, I fomented” – Rich Zahradnik.

double quotation markI know you will never print my mails. Because first and foremost you are pity English. You pretend to be journalists, to be independent, to be the fighter for the lesser, the poor. But in the moment Gianni Infantino and Clément Turpin decide to be your guardians, you happily accept. Where is your heart, your pride, your soul? Accepting this because it helps you, is the first step to accept racism, fascism, an unjust world. But this is what you’ve become. [Eff] off, shame, you are a disgrace. Best, the honest and decent country of Norway. PS: I know you will never print this!” – Odd Magne Grøntvedt.

double quotation markYour Memory Lane feature (yesterday’s Football Daily, full email edition) missed a trick by not linking to David Squires’s genius rendering of a previous Norway v England match, set to the words of Godspeed You Black! Emperor’s Dead Flag Blues. The best ever combination featuring two of my favourite things: post-rock and football” – Paul Vickers.

If you have any, please send letters to [email protected]. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day goes to … Paul Vickers. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we run them, are here.