The Paradox of Parental Devotion in Hong Kong

Of course, suicide is a complex phenomenon with no single cause. However, data from the Jockey Club Centre for Suicide Research and Prevention at the University of Hong Kong, among others, points to one powerful protective factor: a strong, supportive family.

Herein lies the paradox. Without a doubt, parents in Hong Kong are deeply devoted to their children. They ferry their children to school, drill them in homework, pack their weekends with enrichment classes and meticulously map out their futures. The cost of raising a child in Hong Kong is indeed very expensive. Yet, walk into any home and you are likely to hear the anguished cry: “I’ve given you everything; why do you still feel I don’t understand you?”

Science increasingly tells us that a parent’s love is not enough. The crucial variable is whether the child actually feels that love and support. This is what some researchers might call parent-child incongruence. Alarmingly, a wealth of literature shows that parents and children frequently have wildly different views of their relationship.

This gap – also known as parent-child discrepancy – has traditionally been viewed as a red flag for family dysfunction. Things would be even more difficult for households with single parents, stepparents and such, which have become increasingly common in the past decades.