Nearly 60% of Australian Parents Experience Psychological Distress, Survey Finds

Almost 60 per cent of Australian parents are experiencing psychological distress with flow on effects to their children, according to the largest-ever national survey of parents.

The authors of the Parenting Today survey said the good news for parents was that some of those problems could be alleviated through participation in community-based peer support programs.

However, other experts warned poor parent mental health was partly to blame for the record-low birth rate and required a society wide response.

The Parenting Today survey of 10,000 parents, conducted by the not-for-profit Parenting Research Centre late last year, found parents across all demographics were struggling with "loneliness, self-doubt and lack of self-compassion".

"In addition, 45 per cent of Australia's parents [are] reporting moderate levels of psychological distress."

Dr Wade said there had been a steady decline in parent mental health over the past decade and the research showed these struggles were "universal" and not confined to a single gender or income group.

"The struggle and the juggle is real," she said.

"When they're feeling under pressure themselves, they're less likely to do the sorts of parenting behaviours that we know children need to thrive, so they're more likely to get irritable with children."

Former US surgeon general Vivek Murthy recently declared modern parental stress to be an "urgent public health issue", directly linked to the wellbeing of children and the health of society.

'Survival mode all the time'

Gold Coast mum of four Sylvia Doughty can relate to the findings and the feelings of parental self judgement, particularly as her children have become teenagers.

"And you're not the best version of yourself either because life is so busy, and so full on. I find it hard to be emotionally available for the kids when they need it at times."

Ms Doughty wanted to share her story to dispel the myths around perfect parenting and break the taboo about making mistakes.

She said cost-of-living concerns ratcheted up the pressure with the family forced to cut back on small treats.

"I am exhausted. I feel like I'm in survival mode all the time. I don't really feel like I'm living life," Ms Doughty said.

The fear that her children will never be able to afford to move out has also pushed the family to renovate their home so they can sell it and move into something bigger.

Ms Doughty and her husband were doing the renovations themselves to save money, juggling it around their jobs.

"I'm a lot more irritable with the kids. I'll just find myself losing it over a small thing. Just because life, there's so much pressure," she said.

The survey findings also struck a chord with Melbourne mum Nicole Tandy, whose son William is four years old.

"I'm not surprised to hear that parents are struggling with their mental health. Before you become a parent, everyone speaks of the village that would be there to support you," Ms Tandy said.

"But realistically it feels like you're doing a lot of it by yourself."

Ms Tandy has also harshly judged herself for not living up to an idealised view of parenting pushed by online influencers that ignores the reality of the daily grind.

"The picture that I'm seeing on social media is people really loving it, thriving as a parent, and I love being a parent but nobody's talking about how hard it is," Ms Tandy said.

"They're all just suffering silently because there's no way that other people aren't struggling too."

Ms Tandy said the stress she felt meant she was missing important moments with her son.

"That contributes to that feeling of shame and guilt. Like you're not doing a good enough job," she said.

Birth rate at rock bottom

The findings come with Australia's birth rate at a record low of 1.5 babies per woman.

Ms Tandy said her mental health meant she was now "happily one and done" and will not have any more children.

Experts have warned the challenges experienced by Australian parents were contributing to the "rock bottom" birth rate that could have dramatic consequences for the country's future.

Australian National University demographer Liz Allen said it was clear parents were having fewer kids and "not because they necessarily want fewer children".

"Parents are in a situation where they're worried about tomorrow. Issues of housing affordability, economic security, gender equality and climate change plague their every decision," she said.

Dr Allen said Australian parents were "treading water" and she was skeptical of the suggestion that community-based parenting programs could be the fix, instead calling on the government to take action.

"No community parenting group is going to fix the pressure, the immense pressure that parents are confronted with," Dr Allen said.

"The idea that communities pick up the slack of government is just ridiculous.

"It is a devastating notion that we say that we are basically giving up on parents.

"We require structural change, a rethink in the financial supports for families, a reconsideration of what work looks like."

Possible solutions

While those wholesale changes would be a long time coming, the Parenting Research Centre (PRC) said the good news for parents was there were relatively cheap solutions available now.

They see a role for government, the community and individual parents.

Dr Wade said the centre's survey showed loneliness, self-doubt and lack of self-compassion had a stronger impact on parent mental health than cost-of-living pressures.

Dr Wade said parents could relieve this psychological distress by being more self-compassionate and engaging in community-based peer support programs.

She pointed to a government funded program called MyTime which connected parents and carers of children with disabilities or other additional needs.

"There's something about forging connections between parents that seems to help reduce that sense of loneliness and builds hope and optimism in parents," Dr Wade said.

"There is a message that there are these practical things that can be done now rather than, you know, the really big picture things."

The PRC website also has other evidence-based programs with practical parenting tips like Smalltalk, [a program] which is run in playgroups or in the home for eligible families.

The program gives parents with children younger than three years of age ideas on supporting early learning at home.

The PRC also runs the Raising Children Network website which aims to give parenting support for a wider group of ages from babies through to teenagers.

Dr Wade hoped the survey would focus attention on parental wellbeing and unrealistic expectations of perfect parenting.

"We place a lot of high expectations on ourselves to be perfect parents and I think a lot of times that's unrealistic," Dr Wade said.

"Parents can just to be kind to themselves. Parents need to be a bit of a friend to themselves."