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The episode comes from a sex and relationship podcast that covers topics such as intimacy, communication and sexual health. Sonja Bröning is an expert in developmental psychology and couples therapy with a focus on relationships and sexuality.
Who we desire is sometimes not easy to explain. And when desire dwindles, especially in long-term relationships, it often becomes a problem: "We're supposed to want it," says developmental psychologist and couples therapist Sonja Bröning. “That makes it difficult for us.” Because desire is connected to what we see in our partners: best friends, emotional home, erotic dream figures. Maybe too much and yet inextricably intertwined.
Our desire is something that ultimately cannot be controlled and that no couples therapy can fix. And you shouldn't try either, Sonja tells the podcast hosts Melanie Büttner and Sven Stockrahm. What can be successful: that people find their way back to the initial magic of their relationship once they have dug through the thicket of their longings, demands and needs.
You can hear the entire episode at the top of this page.
More about our guest and further information
This episode was recorded live in front of an audience at the Harbor Front Literary Festival.
Sonja Bröning is a professor of developmental psychology at the Medical School Hamburg and researches relationships and sexuality. At the same time, she works as a systemic couples and sex therapist in her own practice. You can find out more about her work on her website and on Instagram.
The non-fiction book Diverse Love – Shaping Polyamory by Agostino Mazziotta and Sonja Bröning was published in the summer of 2026
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More about the sex and relationship podcast
Do you know our book? Is that normal? Let's talk about sex the way you want it
Follow the hosts, the doctor and sex therapist Melanie Büttner and the ZEIT science department head, Sven Stockrahm, on Instagram at @dr.melanie.buettner and @svensonst.

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