Separation Anxiety at the Start of School: Parents' Anxiety Can Also Affect Children

With the opening of schools, separation anxiety has come to the fore, especially in children starting preschool and primary school, while experts pointed out that the anxiety experienced by parents may also affect the adaptation process of children to school.

Child development expert Elanur Buğçe Oral said, "Children read their parents' emotions before what they say," and pointed out the importance of parents recognizing their own concerns. Stating that starting school does not only mean that the child leaves home, Oral said that this process is also an important change for the parent.

Oral said that the decrease in direct control over the child causes some parents to wonder, "Will I be able to protect him when I am not with him?", "Will I be there when he needs me?" and “Am I a good parent?” He stated that it could trigger concerns such as According to Oral, the child's starting school can also reactivate feelings such as loneliness, abandonment or lack of protection that the parent experienced in his childhood. For this reason, the severity of the reaction of some parents may be greater than the actual situation experienced by the child.

'BEHAVIOR MUST BE MANAGED'

Emphasizing that it is natural to be sad, to miss and to wonder when leaving your child, Oral stated that the important point is whether these feelings begin to control the parent's behavior.

Pointing out that if the parent cannot focus on work throughout the day, experiences intense panic, or stops his/her life until the child returns from school, this can go beyond the healthy feeling of separation. Oral said, "In terms of the child's development, love is not about tying the child to ourselves, but about making him feel safe enough to separate from us." Stating that children read their parents' feelings before their words, Oral said that people who are nervous at the school gate constantly ask "Are you okay?" He said that a parent who asks "" or who cannot hide his tears may unknowingly give the message to the child, "There is something to be afraid of here."

Stating that this situation may create a cycle of anxiety between the parent and the child, Oral stated that the child's crying may increase the parent's anxiety, and the increased anxiety may affect the child again. Therefore, in addition to calming the child, it is also important for the parent to regulate his own emotions. Pointing out that expressions such as "You cannot do without me" said with good intentions can negatively affect the child's self-perception, Oral said that this sentence can be internalized over time as "I am not enough on my own." Instead, Oral suggested giving the child the message "I'm with you, you can do it too" and stated that this approach supports safe independence.

'NOT A RACE'

Stating that seeing other children's adaptation processes to school on social media can also increase parental anxiety, Oral pointed out that each child's temperament, experiences and reaction to change are different. Emphasizing that one child entering school crying and the other smiling is not a criterion for children's development or their sense of confidence, Oral said, "Children's development is not a race."