Suddenly the thought, the feeling: Is this it now, old age? Psychology professor Jana Nikitin reveals how shock turns into gain and new clarity and freedom emerge.
Limits and possibilities: Many things become easier with age. Photo: Oneinchpunch/Westend61/dpa-tmn
Vienna. At some point it's there, this thought: Oops, I'm getting old now. Maybe on a big birthday, maybe in front of the mirror, maybe your body suddenly feels different.
For many, this is not a nice thought, but rather associated with a kind of shock. It's not just about wrinkles and gray hairs or a pinch here and there. But also about bigger questions: Will I now reduce more and more? Am I becoming worth less? How much can I actually influence?
Aging: Often we only see the losses
“Aging is associated not only with losses, but also with gains,” says psychologist and aging researcher Prof. Jana Nikitin. But: “Because we focus on the losses, we quickly forget that the gains are still there.”
So we expect to become weaker, less attractive, more forgetful. Is that so? Not necessarily, but our idea of age is like this: rather negative. Even supposed compliments can reinforce it: “You look much younger,” for example. Or the statement: “I feel ten years younger.”
Old, that's different. “We are actually reinforcing the negative images of aging,” says Jana Nikitin. Ultimately, the message behind it is: being old is a bad thing - and fortunately I'm not one of them yet.
When our perception of age influences how we age
This is due, among other things, to the fact that many have little or no contact with people outside of their own age group, apart from their family, says the researcher.
Then there is a lack of experience that could correct general ideas. “We know from a lot of social psychological research that contact leads to breaking down stereotypes,” says Nikitin. Her advice is therefore: “Acquire knowledge and have friends in other age groups - not always just within your own age group.”
Images of aging can even influence how we actually age, says the researcher. For example, if you get back pain and immediately think: “That’s old age, I can’t do anything about it,” then you don’t look for options for action. This creates a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy: We expect the reduction, interpret changes accordingly - and become more passive.
Not enduring aging, but shaping it
The solution, however, is not to view old age exclusively in a positive light. “You have certain options, but not all the options in the world,” says Jana Nikitin.
For her, this is just as much a part of a realistic assessment as knowing: "Aging is what I do with my circumstances. It's not something that comes, but something that we help shape." This can be done positively through exercise, a healthy diet, social contacts and a meaningful task - "that's good at any age, and it's never too late for that."
What we gain as we age
There are also possible emotional gains. On average, older people are more balanced, more emotionally stable and better at regulating their emotions, said the professor. They also often experienced their social encounters as more meaningful.
This is also related to the growing awareness that one's own time is limited. This can result in new clarity. "Do I really want to go along with all the nonsense now? No, I don't want to," says Jana Nikitin, describing this development. You choose more consciously which people you spend time with and which tasks seem useful. You also often become more and more indifferent to what others think of you.
Looking at life as a whole from the mirror
So what do you do if your own reflection in the mirror makes you sad, if it hurts and your eyesight gets worse? Jana Nikitin recommends following the first thought with others: Which of my ideas about age are actually correct? What other options do I have? What have I gained from getting older? What have I built, learned or accomplished? Which people, relationships and experiences are part of my life today?
The answers are different for every person. This does not make the wrinkles disappear. But their meaning may change: they are no longer just a sign that something has been lost - but also that something has been added.
What have I accomplished, what can I create now?
According to Jana Nikitin, getting older involves another process: we become better at adapting to what we have and recognizing its value.
Related topics
Research
People basically have two options for exercising control over their lives: “Either we change the world so that it fits our needs and goals. Or we change ourselves so that our needs match what we have.” This second process becomes stronger in older adulthood.
At first that sounds like coming to terms with it. However, the expert also sees this as a benefit: “We simply find the good, the positive, in what we have rather than when we are young.” Relationships, experiences, skills, crises overcome, a home, a family, it all comes together - and maybe even more.
About the person:
Prof. Jana Nikitin is head of the Psychology of Aging department at the University of Vienna. This year, together with her colleague Christina Ristl, she published the book “The Seven Myths of Aging - What We Can Learn from Psychological Research” (Hogrefe).
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