'You're triggering me': How to understand your therapy-speak teen

With claims of gaslighting, triggering and disrespecting boundaries, some parents are struggling to understand their teenagers' so-called therapy speak.

When Carla Hoskins asks her 15 and 18-year-old sons to revise or do chores at their Hertfordshire home, she says she is sometimes met with: "You're triggering me!"

Over in the US, Shannon Salvatoriello says her 14 and 17-year-old sons use similar words, which she says leaves her "feeling very confused".

Mental health experts in the UK and US tell the BBC why young people are using terms often heard during therapy sessions in everyday conversation - and give parents tips on how to better understand their teenagers.

Mum-of-six Carla says she is sometimes accused of gaslighting by her teen sons - particularly when she asks about friends or schoolwork.

"I feel like any time you challenge them or request something is when you come up against this new language," says the 39-year-old.

"Rather than just saying, 'Mum, I'm stressed about my exams' or 'I've got a lot on my plate', it's I'm triggering them." She adds: "You can't really ever get to the bottom of anything."

Carla says she had never heard the words triggering or gaslighting before her sons started using them and assumes they learned them on social media.

New York psychiatrist Dr Suzanne Garfinkle-Crowell agrees this is one of the ways therapy speak has spread to everyday language. Social media is one of the places teenagers look to as they try to make sense of themselves and the world, she says.

She has observed a shift in the way young people talk about their problems - from describing their feelings to giving them labels, she tells BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour.

"They would say, 'I'm not getting along with my mum'... 'School has gotten really challenging and I'm feeling kind of bad about myself', and then suddenly it was, 'I have attachment issues, ADHD, and depression'."

Garfinkle-Crowell says parents shouldn't be afraid to consult a mental health professional if their child is describing symptoms of a medical condition, like anxiety disorder or depression.

She understands that some parents feel the use of therapy speak by teens is "almost like they are speaking a new language", but says it is important they consider the backdrop to why they might be using it.

Many young people, and girls in particular, often feel they aren't taken seriously by their parents and society more generally, she says.

"The only way to feel heard is to reach for this elevated medical language."

The head of an independent review into youth mental health told BBC News in September it was "harder to be young" now. Prof Peter Fonagy said there had been a real rise in mental distress among young people given the economic and employment uncertainty their generation faces.

However, Julia Samuel, a psychotherapist from London, warns young people using medical terms such as anxiety disorder to describe "normal feelings like mild distress" can create a pattern of behaviour and emotions that result in them developing a disorder.

"It can give them the very thing they don't want," she explains. "It's the lack of knowledge and the overuse of the terms that can actually harm young people."

Samuel says for parents struggling to understand therapy speak, "listening is your biggest tool to bridge the divide".

She then suggests using "ordinary emotional language to reflect back" what your teenager is saying to help you understand what they are feeling.

Samuel says rather than asking teenagers questions in a direct manner, you could try talking about your own experience of a similar situation.

"You could bring up a subject about yourself at school or something that's related... so it isn't kind of pointing a finger at them," she says.

Shannon says: "I've noticed when I do back off they will then come to me later to say, 'Hey, guess what? I got a 95 on that Spanish test'... You don't have to ask them for three days straight about something."

Carla is glad she's open with her teenagers and feels they can discuss things with her - even if she sometimes struggles with the meaning.

"We are close and I think that's why sometimes they think that they can use these [therapy] words, as if they're talking to a friend."