The so-called catch-up culture - in German, for example: catch-up or catch-up culture - describes a phenomenon in today's social life in which small meetings of friends - for example for a coffee or cocktail - only seem to consist of getting up to date and reporting on statuses.
At the moment it seems somehow chic (kinda chic!) to problematize this superficial friendship by meeting in a café, i.e. to discredit such relationships as pseudo-friendships. But first things first:
What exactly is this “catch-up culture” supposed to be?
Instead of naturally sharing their lives with each other, many adults, especially those of a certain age, are familiar with this way of maintaining friendships: at occasional meetings, such as for coffee or dinner, the events of the last few weeks are summarized and processed for the other person, so to speak, an update of one's own life is given and caught up on.
What's been going on with you the last few days? Anything new at work? How is the relationship going? How are the children? How was the vacation?
Such meetings may be reminiscent of a quarterly performance review, of a mandatory task that you check off on your calendar. People tell each other what they have experienced separately.
This creates the feeling of just observing other people's lives from the sidelines. Often the small, everyday, seemingly inconsequential things are left out of the selection presented. It would actually be they who create emotional closeness and continuous connection.
Why does this catch-up culture exist in friendships?
The phenomenon is currently being debated on TikTok and other social networks. Influencers and (real but also self-proclaimed) experts point to several structural causes in modern life.
Supposed closeness thanks to the social media illusion: Looking at friends' Instagram stories gives the deceptive feeling of always being up to date. As a result, personal exchange becomes less urgent.
The optimized life: The social drive to increase efficiency leads people to cycle through their day until the last hour. Seemingly useless social contacts and spontaneity fall by the wayside.
In addition, the high cost of living and long or irregular working hours rob many people of the energy to let themselves go or simply invite friends over to relax.
Can you escape this catch-up culture?
When life seems increasingly full because of increased obligations, it feels almost impossible to maintain friendships casually and be spontaneous - as you may have done in your 20s.
The proposed solution is quite simple: experience more together again. Instead of just meeting up for coffee, you can cook together, go shopping together, or do everyday errands.
Accompanying someone to the doctor, taking a sauna together or just chilling on the couch are also options. Even quite uneventful moments together can create more closeness than a short presentation about your experiences without each other.
You could simply call friends who live further away spontaneously to chat. You could also send specific short messages to loved ones to create closeness: “How did your presentation go today?”
Passive get-togethers are also a trick that can evoke the feeling of youth or student friendships. This means, for example, an open video switch while doing housework - for example when folding laundry.
How bad is this update culture really?
The renowned loneliness researcher Maike Luhmann, professor of psychological methodology at the Ruhr University Bochum, does not think “catch-up culture” is as bad as its reputation. “It's better if you take the time for a coffee party to catch up on what's going on than - what would be the alternative? - not visible at all."
Of course, there are friendships that are simply not in balance at all, that even have toxic elements where someone is being taken advantage of - for example: A person always listens, but they are not listened to.
“If you have the impression that you are in a friendship like that, then perhaps it is actually not the relationship in which you should invest a lot of time,” says Professor Luhmann, who wrote the book “Loneliness - Why it affects us all”. “But you should first try to resolve the conflicts and talk about them before you carelessly give up on a friendship.”
That's perhaps their main message, says Luhmann: “It's not that easy to find good friends and also to find superficial friendships. And if you have it, you shouldn't give it up carelessly just because some high expectations aren't immediately met."
