All parents know this situation: You ask your child to complete a task, and it seems as if you are talking to a wall. With repeated neglect, the parents' nerves begin to fray and the level of emotion rises, sometimes ending in screaming. Although this behavior is not ideal, it occurs in many families.
The problem becomes more serious when the parenting style is mainly influenced by such negative interactions. A recent Chinese study found that strict and authoritarian upbringing increases the risk of depressive symptoms and aggressive behavior in children. Thus, the researchers confirm what other experts and experts have also observed.
Strict and authoritarian parenting is more than just occasional tantrums. Rather, it is linked to “various forms of violence, discipline and control,” says Stefan Bender, director of the Clinic for Psychiatry, Psychosomatic Medicine and Psychotherapy for Children and Adolescents at the University Hospital in Cologne.
Beating or physical coercion is just a form of violence. The other form is of a psychological nature: hurtful criticism, aggressive language, emotional manipulation, or depriving the child of feelings of love. Children may comply with these methods and show obedience immediately, but this fear-based obedience has costly consequences. Bandar said in an interview with DW: "Violent upbringing promotes deficits, and this constitutes an important risk factor for depression." “Chronically harsh upbringing is definitely a traumatic psychological trauma.”
Children who repeatedly experience the experience of not being taken into account as a person with their own feelings and needs often lose a sense of their own self-efficacy. A sense of self-efficacy means being convinced of the ability to overcome challenges and achieve goals by relying on one's own capabilities.
In order for this conviction to form, children must learn how to deal with their emotions, control their behavior, and develop their self-confidence. Bandar believes that education based on violence and coercion hinders the development of these abilities.
This has various consequences for children. Stefan Bender notes, through his daily work at the clinic, that children tend more toward what is known as “external channeling of feelings,” as they express their suffering openly, and this often manifests itself in behavioral disorders and problems in social interaction, and in some cases it may reach criminal behavior.
As for girls, they tend more to what is known as “internal expression of feelings,” as psychiatrist Bandar explains: “This means that they suffer from emotional problems such as depression, anxiety disorders, or even eating disorders, especially starting in adulthood.”
Evelyn van Assche is a psychiatrist and chief physician at the Mental Health Clinic at the University Hospital Münster. She has found evidence that authoritarian upbringing is embedded in DNA, which may increase the risk of depression later on.
As part of her doctoral thesis, the psychiatrist studied whether authoritarian parenting was reflected in the epigenetics of young participants. Epigenetics deals with the relationship between environmental influences and DNA: it contributes to determining when genes are activated or deactivated. This happens, among other things, through what is known as gene methylation. This genetic regulation in turn affects the physical or psychological traits that appear in the individual.
Van Assche's study was based on previous research conducted on identical twins, one of whom had depression. Two independent groups found that the depressed twin showed a wider range of DNA methylation than the healthy twin. "We repeated this analysis in our sample," Van Assche says in an interview with DW.
The study showed similar results, as adolescents who grew up in violent family environments recorded higher levels of genetic methylation variation compared to the control group. Researcher Van Assche stresses that these results do not definitively prove a causal relationship, but they provide important indicators that are in line with what other research has found in this field.
Evelyn Van Assche emphasizes that the most important thing is for parents to be emotionally available to their children, by listening to them and taking their fears and anxieties seriously. “If my relationship with the children is generally good, individual tantrums definitely take on a different weight,” she says.
In addition to emotional acknowledgment of the child's feelings, the psychologist says that rules and boundaries are also important for children. These expectations should be expressed openly and clearly, with appropriate and balanced consequences imposed when they are exceeded.
“The younger the children are, the greater the role the parents play,” says Stefan Bender of the University Hospital Cologne. That's why he and his team have developed training courses in which parents learn how best to support their children in different situations.
Meanwhile, Evelyn Van Assche is keen to stress that most parents get it right in many ways. But what matters for children's mental health is the way they perceive the atmosphere at home. This is all the more reason to listen carefully to your children.
