Emil Hansius regrets worry most on his deathbed

What Emil Hansius will regret most on his deathbed, he says in Sommar, is that he spent so much time worrying. He has, for almost as long as he himself can remember, suffered from anxiety. In preschool, he drew pitch-black pictures, while his peers painted explosions of color. When he realized the transience of life as a seven-year-old, he could no longer sleep.

In a viral video from 2021, Hansius talks about how depressed people can look like him and be the funnest guy you know. He pursues the same cause here: to give mental illness a face, or perhaps rather a voice.

Piteåson Emil Hansius has quickly risen to become one of Sweden's biggest YouTubers. In contrast to many of his international colleagues, who have cultivated their success on humiliation, Hansius is a strangely humble force. He meets people at eye level.

The story begins with a sterile doctor's visit. He can't stop crying and the doctor is the only one who knows about his biggest secret: worry. Through the program, Hansius explains what he believes caused this machinery. Is it the death of the beloved dog Caesar? The hair-raising pencilism in elementary school? Or his brain which, he says, has just decided to behave like an "ass"?

It becomes almost traditional and I have time to worry about how much more I can bear to hear before I fall there myself. Until he testifies about the overloaded care circus.

As a 20-year-old, he cries himself almost blind in the car and when he does seek care, he is prescribed medication, while the doctor puts him in line to see a psychologist.

Eleven years later, he is 31 years old and still standing in line.

But it's also the eleven years I'm curious to hear more about, beyond how much easier it became when he shared the burden with his parents, the short part about how he became a YouTuber and how he's now driven by the will to overcome the parasites of the psyche.

It is impossible not to be touched when Hansius describes how his life's project has become not to let the worries spill over to the beloved twins. The otherwise monotonous voice thickens.

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