Many men fall into a psychological crisis and avoid being close to their wives for months after directly witnessing bloody and painful childbirth in the delivery room.
For more than half a year, Ms. Yen (30 years old, Hanoi) and her husband have slept separately. Every time she took the initiative to touch him, he turned his back to the edge of the bed, pulled the blanket over his chest, and used the excuse of being exhausted from work. Suspecting that her husband has someone else, arguments suddenly appear.
After many times of avoiding, the husband admitted: "Every time we get close, the image of his wife in pain and blood in the delivery room appears, making him chill and lose all interest."
Six months ago, Ms. Yen asked her husband to come into the delivery room to "share a sacred moment and understand women's pain." However, directly seeing medical procedures involving sensitive areas and his wife's screams was more than the man could bear. He constantly had nightmares and was startled in the middle of the night. Only then did Ms. Yen realize that her decision to drag her husband into the delivery room had unintentionally brought the marriage to a standstill.
Yen's husband's situation is not unique. Doctor Nguyen Van Duc, Department of Urology and Andrology Surgery, Saint Paul General Hospital, said that the phenomenon of decreased libido in fathers after witnessing their wives giving birth is actually a form of post-traumatic psychological inhibition, not stemming from physical pathology in the reproductive system.
"Witnessing images of episiotomy, bleeding or deep medical intervention in the wife's body creates negative association reflexes. Men's brains unconsciously associate sexual acts with feelings of pain and fear," said Dr. Duc.
Research by the Birth Trauma Association in the UK shows that about 1% to 5% of husbands suffer from anxiety disorders after entering the delivery room with their wives; This rate can increase to 7-9% in the first weeks after birth. A medical survey in Japan also recorded that 50% of men experienced varying levels of psychological stress after witnessing the entire birth process.
The report published in the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology emphasized that men who directly observed birth procedures had a significantly higher risk of hallucinations and flashbacks than those who just stood at the head of the bed holding their wife's hand and providing emotional support.
Not only does it have long-term psychological effects, many cases of fainting on the spot cause disruption to the birthing process. Doctor Nguyen Bien Thuy, Hanoi Obstetrics Hospital, recounted the cesarean section at 38 weeks of pregnancy. The surgery went smoothly, but as soon as she heard the baby cry, the husband standing next to her suddenly collapsed to the floor. The surgical team had just completed intervention for the pregnant woman and had to immediately switch gears to resuscitate the father.
"Many people have a weak psychological tolerance threshold. Just seeing the incision or umbilical cord blood causes panic, low blood pressure and fainting," said Dr. Thuy. According to the doctor, the hospital always supports accompanying relatives to provide emotional support for pregnant women, but not every man has enough nerves of steel to enter the procedure room.
Dr. Cao Tran Thanh Trung, a psychology expert, analyzed that the stereotype "men have to be tough" makes many people not dare to refuse their wife's offer, and at the same time hide their fear after leaving the delivery room. When not relieved, this trauma reaction transforms into withdrawn behavior, irritability or turning to alcohol to avoid sex. If the avoidance lasts for more than a month and is accompanied by chronic insomnia, men need intensive psychological intervention to avoid the risk of marital rift.
To avoid unnecessary psychological consequences, experts recommend that couples prepare carefully instead of considering going to the delivery room as a trend to prove love. If the husband does not have the courage to look at the blood and gore, he can choose to support his wife from afar, or the family can ask his biological mother or mother-in-law to replace him.
In case of entering the delivery room, the husband needs to strictly adhere to the standing position: only stand at the head of the bed, hold hands, support breathing and encourage his wife's spirit; Absolutely do not move down to the doctor's operating area to directly see medical interventions.
After the doctor clearly explained the psychological cause, Ms. Yen stopped tormenting her husband and went with him to see a psychotherapy consultant. "I used to think that witnessing my wife giving birth would make my husband love me more. But forcing someone who is afraid of blood into the operating room is not a way to share, but a risk to family happiness," she said.
