After years of working with people nearing their last breath, hospice professionals realize that what stays with a person in the end is not money or status.
Prioritize people, not material things
Dr. Rachel Clarke, a palliative care physician at an NHS hospital in Oxfordshire, England, said she realized at the end of life, no one cares how much power they have, how big the house is, how fancy the car is or what position they hold at work. What matters are the people they love.
"The way to have a rich and fulfilling life is to build relationships with others," Ms. Clarke said.
Dr. David Holland, a palliative care consultant in Norfolk, England, said that at the end of life, repairing relationships can be important.
"People often have things they want to say, such as 'I'm sorry', 'I forgive you', 'Please forgive me', 'I love you' or 'Thank you'. Not addressing unspoken feelings can cause regret," he said.
Don't worry too much about signs of aging
Clarke believes that wrinkles, gray hair or changes in the body are social things that often make people feel depressed, thereby motivating them to buy products to solve those worries.
However, she considers everything associated with old age to be a blessing and a privilege.
Working with survivors of all ages has helped her realize that anyone old enough to worry about changes to their body should consider themselves lucky. They have lived long enough to feel pain when they wake up in the morning.
"These are things that a lot of people aren't lucky enough to experience," she said.
Connect with the community
Clarke advises each person to ask themselves whether they have participated in an activity that helps them connect with those around them.
It could be charity work, being a teacher or being a loving father or mother in the family. It can also be an artistic or creative activity; a craft you love and want to share with friends.
Stay healthy but don't let it limit your life
Holland meets many patients with health problems but cannot find the cause. So he realized it was important not to worry too much about things and remember that life is to be enjoyed.
According to Clarke, we should try to live healthy lives but don't need to blame ourselves for things that are often considered "small sins," like eating delicious food or drinking wine.
"Humans are emotional, and enjoying that is part of living life to the fullest," she said. Clarke understands health in a broad sense, including the ability to enjoy life, not just live as long as possible.
Don't let work take over your life
Ruby Love, who supports the care of the dying in Bristol, England, believes that you should not get too carried away with your career. "I've never met anyone at the end of their life who regrets not working more or not making more money," she said.
According to Love, it is important to find a balance between what is necessary to live and what makes people happy.
However, Clarke also sees many people living in regret when they only want to spend time on momentary moments of joy.
"You can eat and drink until you're drunk and have a great time, but that won't be satisfying," she says. Deeper experiences matter more, such as moments of joy, wonder, and awe at the world around us.
Live intentionally
Tan Ming Li, a supporter of the dying in Singapore and founder of Life Review, a charity that helps normalize talking about death and dying, said many people have told her her biggest regret is not living fully enough, not daring to try new things, but just feeling safe.
This makes Tan more aware of his life. "If I get an invitation, do I really want to do it? If tomorrow is my last day, how do I want to spend it?", she said.
Complete unfinished tasks
Holland said people often think about their legacy at the end of their lives. He met many people who wanted to leave something important behind. It could be a business, memories or the construction of a home.
So he advises people to complete unfinished tasks, such as finishing a novel, rearranging family photo albums, or getting organized.
This year, Love organized an exhibition for a client who used to be a photographer. The exhibition is small and simple, but it's what the woman really wanted to do before she passed away.
Meet the person you love while you still can
If diagnosed with a terminal illness, Tan advises the patient can organize a "living funeral", where people gather to celebrate their life before passing away.
"It doesn't have to have the word 'funeral' in it, it just has to be a party," she said.
If the idea makes people uncomfortable or in good health, Tan advises celebrating birthdays, especially important milestones.
Love has had clients who wanted to have funerals while they were still alive. However, for people who are weak, a big event can be overwhelming. Then, spending time with people in small groups or private conversations can have the same meaning.
Turn wishes into reality
Holland said the period when a person is truly sick is important, because the awareness that life is limited helps them create memories and leave a legacy.
Experts advise focusing on goals that are achievable and can be done regularly. Thanks to that, if you suddenly have an accident or are diagnosed with a serious illness, people will not have to face a long list of things they have never done before.
Talk about dying while still healthy
"A peaceful death comes when a person feels at peace with the life he or she has lived," Clarke said.
That peace comes from accepting who you are, the actions you have taken, and most of all, the relationships you have had.
Love believes that planning ahead for possible situations will help people put those plans aside and focus on living. When real situations arise, they don't have to make decisions under stress or when communication becomes difficult.
Love is in her early 30s and has begun to make plans for the end of her life.
"Work has taught me that you have to make the most of what you have every day. So go see friends, do something fun - because life is not endless," she said.
