American psychology experts point out that the key to repairing a damaged friendship lies in whether the betrayal was just an accident and whether the other party sincerely apologizes and is willing to make amends. (Taken from the post)
Being betrayed by a friend is often more painful than being hurt by a stranger. American psychology experts point out that the key to repairing a damaged friendship lies in whether the betrayal is just an accidental incident and whether the other party sincerely apologizes and is willing to make amends. If betrayal occurs repeatedly and the other party lacks regret, investing time and effort in other relationships may be more helpful to you.
"Verywell Mind" reported that American psychologist Kiki Ramsey said that friends are supposed to be people who can make people feel at ease and build trust. When this trust is destroyed, it will not only hurt the relationship, but may also make people start to doubt their own judgment and self-worth. Therefore, before deciding whether to repair a friendship, you should first assess the nature and frequency of betrayal. If it is just a single incident, and the other party is willing to sincerely apologize and propose specific ways to change, the two parties can still consider re-establishing the relationship; on the other hand, if betrayal occurs repeatedly, or the other party has no regrets and is unwilling to change, it may be a healthier choice to invest in other relationships.
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Under what circumstances might friendship repair be considered? Experts list 7 points
1. It is a one-time mistake or misunderstanding.
2. The incident did not completely disrupt my life, nor did it cause irreparable damage.
3. The other party’s behavior did not put himself or others into serious danger.
4. The other party sincerely apologizes and shows a willingness to take responsibility and change.
5. The other party understands that his behavior caused harm and that the incident has a special situation or background.
6. The other party is willing to change and promises to adjust their practices in the future.
7. The two parties have maintained a good relationship for a long time in the past and have not repeatedly hurt each other.
Under what circumstances should you consider letting go of a friendship? Experts list 6 points
1. Betrayal happens repeatedly.
2. The other party has no regrets and cannot understand the pain he has endured.
3. I feel that the other person does not value this friendship.
4. Repairing a relationship is always a one-sided effort.
5. The other person often hurts or treats other people badly in the same way.
6. After re-examining the relationship, we found that the values of both parties no longer match.
On the other hand, American marriage and family therapist Rachel Goldberg reminds that any relationship has ups and downs, it cannot always be smooth sailing, and everyone can make mistakes. One mistake may not be enough to define a person's nature, nor does it mean that the other person cannot continue to support him in the future. Therefore, when facing betrayal, it is not advisable to define the other party based on a single incident. You can also consider the past situations of getting along with each other and the other party's attitude towards the problem afterwards, before deciding whether to continue to maintain this friendship.
Experts recommend 6 steps to rebuild trust in each other
American psychology expert Patricia S. Dixon said that betrayal usually comes from someone you trust highly, allow access to your inner world, and occupy an important emotional position. Therefore, after being betrayed, emotions such as anger, sadness, shock, frustration, or loneliness are all normal reactions after losing trust and connection. The injured party should first give themselves time to digest their emotions. If they still want to repair the friendship, they can take the following steps in order.
1. Face your own pain: Acknowledge that you are indeed hurt and that sadness is a normal reaction. There is no need to suppress, avoid or downplay these feelings.
2. Candid communication: As long as both parties are willing and safe, it is best to talk face-to-face or communicate over the phone, but you should try to avoid using only text messages. The injured party can clearly explain how the other person's behavior caused harm and why they feel betrayed, while giving the other person an opportunity to apologize and acknowledge the pain they have caused.
3. Listen to the other party’s thoughts: Giving the other party an opportunity to explain their position will help to understand the reasons for what happened. It can also be used to judge whether the apology is sincere and whether there is still the possibility of maintaining friendship between the two parties.
4. Recall the reasons for establishing friendship with each other: If this betrayal is just a single incident and does not occur repeatedly over a long period of time, you can rethink the reasons for appreciating each other and cherishing this friendship in the first place. Recalling the care and friendship that each other has established will help to re-view this relationship.
5. Be willing to try to forgive the other person: If you decide to forgive, you should gradually let go of your resentment, and at the same time clearly state your future expectations and boundaries for this friendship, laying the foundation for re-establishing trust and respect.
6. Restore interaction step by step: Both parties do not have to rush back to the past state of getting along. They can start by resuming joint activities, accumulate new positive experiences, and let the friendship gradually repair over time. Even if the relationship may not completely return to its previous state, it may still slowly return to a more familiar and comfortable way of getting along with each other.
This article is reproduced with permission from the Health Medical Network/Reported by reporter Lin Zecheng. What should you do if you are betrayed by a friend? Psychology experts talk about the key to making a decision: 6 steps to rebuild trust
