When a person dies, they sometimes withdraw more and more. He refuses visits, loses interest in food and drink and sleeps more and more. Sometimes he no longer wants to be touched, and relatives ask themselves: How should I deal with the situation? “You have to accept when holding your hand is no longer desired and you notice that your hand might be withdrawn,” says Ingrid Stork, who leads a “last aid course” in Trier.
She describes how breathing changes in dying people. And how stressful breathing pauses are for relatives. The dying process is different for everyone, but: “The last sense of the person who leaves is hearing. And that's why the note: You should always think carefully about the conversations you have at the bedside of a dying person," says Annika Robling, a health and nursing nurse at the Trier Hospice, who leads the course with Stork.
“Providing close support to someone at the end of their life can bring challenges,” says Stork. The course aims to “encourage people to stay at the side of the dying instead of turning away, often out of fear of what might come.”
The participants in the course came because they want to know more about death and dying. “My mother died in January and at the moment I am accompanying my boyfriend, who is seriously ill,” says Rita. She is looking for an exchange and wants to get tips and advice from experienced people.
“Everyone knows first aid courses”
Lisa says her husband suffers from Alzheimer's dementia. «It's still early days, but I think it's finally this process. And I think it's good if I prepare a little bit too." And Renate says she has accompanied several people to their death. “Sometimes I’m at a loss as to how a situation could be handled better.”
She feels left alone when she can't really talk to anyone about it. The course closes exactly this gap: “We want to take away the fear that people have about the topic,” says Robling. And help people feel better prepared.
“Everyone knows first aid courses.” But last aid courses? “Dying has become more and more of a taboo topic. We all die in the process. 100 percent." The knowledge of how to accompany people has been lost. “In the past, people died in families,” says Robling.
Even non-professionals can support the dying
In order to regain this knowledge, the non-profit organization Last Hilfe Deutschland offers courses nationwide. The first took place in Schleswig in 2015, and today there are 6,000 course leaders across the country, as deputy managing director Filipa Sickmüller in Schleswig in Schleswig-Holstein says.
Palliative medicine and emergency medicine specialist Georg Bollig came up with the idea for the courses. He said: “Last aid is just as important as first aid.” In the four-hour course, those interested learned how they, even as non-professionals, could support people at the end of their lives, says Sickmüller.
The idea of last aid courses has caught on. Today there are courses in almost 20 countries - in Europe, but also in Brazil and Australia. “We grew up.” In Germany they are often offered in hospices, but also in companies - and in cafés. “We can even talk about it in a café. Death is part of life,” says Sickmüller.
Accept the wishes of the dying person!
For Robling, it is very important to respond to the needs and wishes of the dying. If someone wants peace and quiet, then they should accept that. Cook your favorite meal or celebrate a birthday if you want. «You should try to make the most of every moment. That doesn't mean it's always nice."
More and more people want to die at home: there are a number of offers of support, says grief counselor Stork. An example is Specialized Outpatient Palliative Care (SAPV), which enables outpatient hospice service in one's own four walls. Doctors and nursing staff are available around the clock. “Many people don’t know what’s on offer,” says Stork.
The course also includes information about regional contact points and offers of help, offers tips on the time after death and how to deal with grief, as well as tips on burial. You don't need any previous knowledge.
"Everything is allowed when dying"
How could you do something good for people when they are dying? Air sprays or fragrance lamps are often well received, says Robling, based on her experience from seven years of working in the hospice. Aromatic oils are also pleasant for massages and for oral care. “The mouth is often dry and this is good for moistening.”
If desired, you can also dip a sponge in water, coffee, tea, Prosecco or Caipirinha and then dab your mouth with it. “Anything that makes you happy is allowed.”
And nobody has to be a professional, says Stork. «As you enter the last days and weeks, it's just good to have someone by your side. It's enough if it's someone who simply means well for you."
