The person who came first gave a bag of several million, and the person who came later began to feel that 'his gift of 500,000 VND was a bit small'.
I'm having a rather difficult situation: a friend's birthday is coming up, I want to buy a gift but I don't know how much it should cost? It sounds a bit funny. For your best friend's birthday, you should just think about what he or she likes, choose a suitable gift and bring it to congratulate him or her. But the more I think, the more I realize that giving gifts today is not that simple.
I once witnessed a friend celebrating his birthday at a restaurant. The person who comes first gives 500,000 VND. The person who comes later starts thinking: "How much should I give?". No one said it, but the previous person's number accidentally became a landmark for the next person. Someone received a bag of several million dong. So the remaining people began to see that their gift was "a bit small". A vicious circle continues to form.
From going to a birthday party to meet each other, we can accidentally turn a meeting into a calculation: how much did we spend, how much did the other person give, what did we receive last time, how should we respond this time? Thinking about that, I feel even more awkward about the gift I'm about to buy for my friend.
I'm not someone who thinks gifts aren't important. On the contrary, I think that even if we are friends, we should still care for each other. I don't agree with the thinking that "if you're close friends, you can get any gift", or "if you're close, you don't need to do anything". Being close does not mean being heartless.
Emotions do not necessarily have to be measured in money, but still need to be expressed in actions. A person who doesn't give me any gift but takes the time to come to my birthday, hug me, wish me good health, ask about my work and stay until the end of the meeting, may even make me happier than a person who brings a very expensive gift and then only appears for a few minutes for "all the formalities".
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But on the contrary, if someone uses the excuse "I don't value material things" to hide their superficiality, I don't think that's something worth defending. Love doesn't need to be expensive. But feelings need signs of affection.
Birthdays these days sometimes feel like an event. The venue must be beautiful, the cake must be beautiful, the photos must be beautiful, the guest list must be complete, and the gifts must also be appropriate. I've heard things like: "If you invite, you must have a gift", "It's weird to go empty-handed", "What's the point if a close friend doesn't give a gift?" Maybe those sentences are just jokes. But if we listen enough, we will unintentionally consider giving gifts as an obligation.
A low-income person may hesitate to go to a wealthy person's birthday. A student may hesitate to come to a friend's birthday if your group often gives gifts of several hundred thousand, even millions of dong. A new colleague at the office may also wonder what to give for their boss's birthday. At that moment, an inherently beautiful action becomes a source of pressure.
I also hope that those celebrating their birthdays, if they really don't need a gift, should clearly say: "If everyone comes, I'm happy." If you want to receive a small gift, there's no need to be shy about saying so. We're adults, we don't have to force others to guess what we want, then be disappointed because they don't do exactly what we think. Don't turn a gift into a liability.
A beautiful gift, in my opinion, is a gift that makes both the giver and the recipient feel relieved. I'm not sure I will remember all the gifts I have received in my life. But I can remember someone who came to me on an important day, remember a phone call from an old friend, remember a meal my mother cooked, or remember a very ordinary bouquet of flowers that someone chose the right color I liked.
Vu Thi Minh Huyen
