Professor at Ibn Haldun University, Department of Guidance and Psychological Counseling. Dr. Sefa Bulut and psychologist Dr. Müge Kiremitçi evaluated the adaptation difficulties experienced in the first weeks of school, parental attitudes and points to pay attention to the AA correspondent.
Prof. stated that the school adaptation and orientation week implemented by the Ministry of National Education plays a critical role in the psychological development of children. Dr. Sefa Bulut said that parents have a great responsibility in carrying out the process in a healthy way.
Referring to the pedagogical gains of the orientation week, Bulut made the following evaluation:
"In fact, it is pedagogically very useful that the Ministry of National Education has initiated such an adaptation and orientation week. It is an important practice, especially for primary education. When children come to the orientation week, they are prepared emotionally and psychologically and learn what kind of environment they will be in, where they will sit, with whom they will be in contact, where the toilets, cafeteria, library and gym are."
"The more we focus on it, the more the child thinks it's a difficult process."
Emphasizing that parents should not reflect their own feelings of anxiety and panic on children, Bulut explained the attitude parents should display with the following words:
"Children also read our behaviour, our emotions, our face and our non-verbal communication. We should not get excited and panic, we should make the child feel that this is a natural process. If we are going to take the child to school, we should take him/her and drop him/her off. We should not linger there for too long, let's not provide too much emotional support and let's not become excessively attached to the child. This also makes the child dependent on us. The more we exaggerate the event, take care and be meticulous, the child of course perceives this and thinks that this will be a difficult process. Actually it isn't."
Stating that this is a normal and natural process, Bulut said, "Everyone goes somewhere and adapts, they need to adapt. The expected and desired behaviors for that age group. Our anxiety somehow infects the child and passes on to the child. If we ourselves are carefree, it is normal, if we are neutral, it is very good."
"Let's not be overprotective"
Stating that the language of communication should be kept positive when returning from school and overprotective attitudes should be avoided when saying goodbye, Bulut said:
"We should ask the child questions in a positive tone such as 'how was your day, how was school, what did you do today, what did you learn, who did you meet, what kind of activities did you do?' The questions should always be positive and guiding, we should not have negative perceptions and thoughts."
Stating that children may become anxious and bored during this process, Bulut said, "Let's not allow the child to manipulate us in this way, activate our excessive sense of compassion and persuade us. This overprotectiveness hinders the child's development of independence. We can have conversations in which we share our own mistakes, such as, 'Look, great things will happen, you will see beautiful things, I was like this when I was little. This will be comforting for the child."
"Children adapt easily, as long as they do not see the anxiety in their parents' eyes."
Psychologist Kiremitçi stated that the process of starting school is a difficult period for the child, where he leaves his safe environment and establishes new bonds with peers and adults, and said that parental attitudes are of critical importance in the adaptation process.
Emphasizing that the first reactions during the adaptation process should be considered developmentally natural, Kiremitçi said, "Especially during the school adaptation week and the following two weeks when the stay at school is extended, physical complaints such as crying, clinging to the parent, not wanting to enter the classroom, insisting that my mother come with me, or abdominal pain can be considered developmentally normal within certain limits." he said.
Kiremitçi stated that children easily sense their parents' concerns through body language and that the moments of saying goodbye should not be dramatized.
Kiremitçi continued as follows:
"At this point, we will trust our decision as parents about starting school and choosing a school, our teacher, our school. Most importantly, we will trust our child. Children actually adapt to the system more easily, as long as they do not see the anxiety and fear in their parents' eyes."
"As parents, we need to be short, clear, warm and decisive when saying goodbye. If your child has difficulty saying goodbye, it is important to accept your child's feelings and maintain the limit."
"Reward system may increase conflicts in the long run"
Stating that parents secretly leaving the school or offering bribes is a breach of trust, Kiremitçi made the following warnings:
"In case the child does not want to come to school, bribes such as 'If you go to school, I will buy you chocolate on the way out, I will take you to the park' have a positive effect in the short term, but in the long term, they prolong the child's adaptation to school and prevent the child from gaining internal motivation for school and homework. After a while, this reward system turns into threats such as 'If you do not buy chocolate, I will not go to school' by the child, and may lead to increased conflicts between parent and child in the long term, anger and violent behavior."
Stating that reactions can be seen not only as crying, but also as introversion, bedwetting or outbursts of anger, Kiremitçi stated that if the symptoms become severe, a specialist should be consulted. Kiremitçi said:
"If there is no significant decrease in physical complaints such as experiencing intense crying crises every morning, constantly refusing to go to school, reacting at a panic level when leaving the parent, not being able to calm down for a long time during school hours, not being able to participate in class activities, frequently recurring abdominal pain, nausea or headaches, on the contrary, they become more severe, if these anxiety behaviors are also seen in the home environment, if the child's sleep is disrupted, it is necessary to be more careful here and to seek professional support as a family without wasting time."
Drawing attention to the importance of establishing home routines and being stable as parents, Kiremitçi said, "As parents, we should wake up in the morning and prepare ourselves and our children for school, go to school, return from school, travel to and from out-of-school sports or cultural activities, nutrition, self-care, rest, homework, play time and sleep hours. We should create a routine that is as similar and stable as possible." he said.
Emphasizing the need to regulate the language of communication with the child, Kiremitçi said, "The first mistake we make as parents is to ask consecutive questions with one-word answers, such as 'yes, no, good, no...'. The answer ends in a single word and your child just says "uuuuufffff" or becomes silent without even saying that. That's why we shouldn't question him as soon as he picks him up from school, let him relax a little." he said.
Underlining that the most valuable sharing moment of the day is the bed chat, Kiremitçi said, "Your child, who does not want to talk all day long when it is bedtime, wants to share with you the most important issues of the day that strain or make him happy at school, right at bedtime. You are right, you may not want to keep that moment short and return to the housework and preparations for the next day. My biggest advice to you is to move the bedtime a little earlier and postpone the work to be done at that moment. Allow your child to relax by telling you about the day in 'bed chats' without delaying the bedtime." "get to know me," he said.
"Do not use the teacher as a tool of threat"
Emphasizing that children should not be questioned upon returning from school and that space should be provided for emotional sharing, Kiremitçi made the following evaluation about the parent-teacher relationship:
"I would especially like to touch upon this issue: The teacher should not be used as a tool of threat or punishment when it comes to homework. Expressions such as 'If you don't do your homework, your teacher will be angry' or 'I will call your teacher' may harm the trust relationship the child will establish with his teacher. The teacher should not be a figure to be feared or punished in the child's eyes, but a reliable individual who accompanies him/her in the learning process."
