It is necessary to look at the child's face. “Of course parents look at their children's faces,” you might say. But I'm not so sure about that. I guess some parents don't look at their children's faces properly. I came to this conclusion after receiving very painful information.
A while ago, he created a soundproof room behind a water seller's shop in one of our provinces and did inhumane things to the children of the neighborhood, including his own nephews, for two years. I am against the death penalty, and the death penalty should not be given in this case, but my conscience is in favor of a life imprisonment sentence with no reduction, the suspect not receiving a reduction by wearing a tie, and being subjected to chemical treatment.
In addition to the legal aspect of this terrible incident, I think there is another important message it gives us. And this is this: How can such a terrible thing be done to a child for two years and his parents never know about it? You may say, "He may not have known because the soundproof room did what it was supposed to do." Well, did these parents never look at their children's faces? Of course, you can understand something from the faces of children who are subjected to such terrible treatment. Apparently, many parents did not look at their children's faces properly and did not notice what was strange about them. Maybe they saw the confused faces of their children, but they ignored it, saying they were children.
In this case, the perpetrator is of course guilty, but the parents who cannot understand the disaster their children have suffered are also guilty. Even if your child gets hit by a motorcycle on the street, falls to the ground, and even if he doesn't break a side, when you see him the next moment, you'll know that something has just happened. For this you need to look at his face. In this grave incident, so many parents did not look carefully enough at their children's faces at that time. Based on this information, please do not panic, do not think that something bad has happened to your child every time you see him unhappy, do not question him. If you pay attention enough, you can detect the difference between ordinary sorrows and extraordinary disasters. The important thing is that we gain the habit of taking care of our children.
SECURE ATTACHMENT TO THE MOTHER
We should not look at our children only to notice their negative situations. We must also always look out for their secure attachment, especially to their mothers.
There are many people who write and work in the field of personal development. Not all of them are experts in the field of psychology, some are trying to say things that will please the reader. One of them says that the child should sleep with the mother for the first two years in order to have a secure attachment to the mother. This is wrong. First of all, motherhood is not the only life of a woman; she should also devote time to her relationship with her husband. Then how will you send the child who slept with his mother for two years to his own bed? Suppose his sibling was born at the end of two years, wouldn't the sibling jealousy of the child who had to be separated from his mother increase? As a result, children sleeping with their mothers for two years does not lead to secure attachment. The method of secure connection is different.
In order for the baby to be securely attached to its mother, especially in the first two years, all the physical needs of the baby must be met with love by the mother (or caregiver), its belly must be fed, its diaper must be cleaned, and it must be protected from cold and heat. However, this is not enough for secure attachment. The mother should talk to her child in a soft voice, tell him something, look at his child's face, especially his eyes, in addition to rocking him in her arms and in his cradle. Making eye contact with his mother gives the baby the feeling that this world is a safe place. When secure attachment is not sufficient, insecure attachment occurs.
It is not enough for a mother to love her child wholeheartedly; it is also necessary to convey this love through behavior, tone of voice, facial expression and eyes. A child who is securely attached to his mother does not react strongly to his mother's short-term separation.
Children who are securely attached to their mothers may also become securely attached to other people, spouses, institutions and ideologies in later ages. I believe that a boy who is securely attached to his mother will not become a woman killer in the future. Please do not think, based on what I have said, that murderers of women are just the product of mothers' wrong upbringing. The main responsible for murdering women are the men of the male-dominated society. Mothers can only prevent the drawbacks created by the male-dominated order by ensuring secure attachment and setting limits for their sons when necessary.
While talking about secure attachment above, I stated that mothers have a great responsibility. The scientific literature on the subject is largely in this direction. However, in my opinion, there is not yet full equality between men and women in terms of gender roles, both in our country, in the West, and in the Far East. Child care is usually the mother's duty, with the father occasionally helping out. In this social structure, mothers inevitably come to the fore in the secure attachment of children. I think that in the near future, fathers will be more functional in helping children securely bond.
