I'm pregnant with your child but you still use vulgar words to talk about my past.
I am 34 years old, married for nearly three years, and eight months pregnant with my first child. My husband is 37 years old, works as a technician for a factory, earns about 18 million VND per month. I work as an administrative officer at a public service unit, salary and allowances are about 13 million VND. The couple does not have their own house yet, they are renting a small apartment, life is not rich but not too difficult.
Before getting married, I had a relationship in college. At that time, I was young, simple-minded and gave my daughter's life to my first boyfriend. After breaking up, I carried guilt. I used to think that maybe I wouldn't have the courage to start a new love affair, then get married and have children, afraid that the next person would look down on me.
I met my current husband while moving house. He lived in the same apartment building, was a few years older than me, spoke little but lived a very disciplined life. He doesn't drink, doesn't like to play, comes home from work, takes care of food and then rests. As our feelings progressed, I proactively told him about the past. I was mentally prepared for the fact that he wouldn't accept. Yet he just said: "Everyone has a past, I came to you for the present you." Hearing him say that, I felt reassured, thinking he would be the man of my life. After getting married, I appreciate and love him even more. I try to raise my family, save small amounts, take care of my husband and have never done anything wrong to him. In the first months of marriage, I thought I was very lucky, until we started having disagreements.
Every time my husband and I have a conflict, he brings up my past to talk about. At first it was just a few insinuating sentences, then it gradually became very heavy words for me. One time he said I had no right to blame him for anything because when I came to him I was no longer "intact". Sometimes he even insulted my parents, saying that my family did not know how to raise children. I was so upset that I couldn't say anything. The past is something I cannot change. Moreover, I don't want the couple to talk in anger and hurt each other even more. When he calmed down, I told him I didn't hide the past, he accepted it, so why are you bringing it up now to harass me? He apologized and hugged me, promising not to do that again. After a while, when there was a conflict, he repeated it.
I kept comforting myself that perhaps he needed time to truly overcome that prejudice. I also think I'm pregnant, my family is about to have a member, so I don't want things to become tense. But last night, just because of a very small thing, he got angry. The words he said left me speechless. I'm pregnant with your child but you still use vulgar words to talk about my past. Now I continue to endure it, what if my child grows up and witnesses his father often saying contemptuous words to his mother? How will I teach my children to respect women when I myself allow my husband to insult me like that? But thinking about divorce, I'm scared.
The child is not born yet. I don't want my child to grow up without his father's affection. My husband, despite his angry moments, is still a hard-working, responsible person and is looking forward to the day he becomes a father. He never beat me, nor did he talk about drinking or flirting with me. In normal times, he still takes good care of his wife. I also don't want to deny all the good things you've done for me and me just because of what you said when you were angry. But I'm really exhausted with the feeling of having to live in worry every time he brings up the past. I'm a few weeks away from giving birth. I don't know if I should continue to be patient, try to change my husband, or should I strongly protect myself and my children right now? What should I do so this marriage can continue?
